Yes, believe it or not, I still watch bad TV, keep up on the latest celebrity gossip, and am honestly interested in how *you* are doing. Just because I'm pregnant, it doesn't mean that I've lost the ability to think and talk about things other than the baby. I know, you're shocked.
I don't know if it's that everyone really wants to know the gory details about how *I'm* feeling, or if it's just an obvious elephant-in-the-room type discussion opener that most people feel comfortable starting off with, but for some reason, the first thing anyone ever wants to talk about is the baby. It's as if I'm some new alien species that won't understand conversation outside of stroller features and crib recommendations. As much as I appreciate the advice (and the horror stories), the bottom line is that it goes in one ear and out the other because the baby isn't here yet. I don't have a point of reference. (Does that actually make me an alien?) Granted, I love this baby (still in its convenient carrying case) and I am thoroughly enjoying being pregnant - but, I still have interests outside this general topic (hello, the Sharks just made it to the second round of the playoffs!).
I am well aware thanks to people with children (PWC) that I should expect my life and interests to be over after the baby is born (which seems totally alien to me), but the key here is *after* the baby is born. Maybe PWC can only talk to me about the baby, because they have kids and they are their whole life now. But along with telling me to enjoy dinners at restaurants with my husband before the baby gets here, and relax and pamper myself now - don't you think they would also know that I should enjoy all my interests (gossip, political debate, etc..) and not be harassed by PWC?!
Now, people without children (PWOC) are interesting. My guess is they discuss the baby either out of fascination (which was me when I was not pg) or some crazy sense of obligation. Let me tell PWOC loud and clear, unless you are planning on having kids shortly (or trying) I don't actually expect you to be interested in all things baby! If you are, great. Research online like I did (because if you get me started, I might forget that you are a-PWOC or b-male, and babble on about things like episiotomies!). But you, PWOC, are my last conection to sanity. Talk to me about your wedding plans, about your awful boss, about your crazy neighbor that knows someone who knows someone who might know Drew Barrymore! I'm not PWC yet!!
2 comments:
It seems to me that an ever increasing number of people suffering from Stupid Parent Syndrome (SPS). And although no group of anyone is ever always anything, this overly vociferous demographic is ruining things for everyone else: people with kids, people without kids, and (especially) people about to have kids - I think everyone just ASSUMES that everyone with kids or about to have kids falls into this category, thereby forcing them to treat you as one of the Collective, so to speak.
Some of the key indicators of SPS are:
1. An unwavering and proselythetic belief that Parenting, and thus by extension Life In General, can be reduced to a single self-aggrandizing moral absolute: either you sacrifice *everything* for your kids (like they do) or you are Gutter Trash.
2. Absolute conviction in the belief that their children are Gods and can do no wrong. So when Little Johnny runs through the restaurant screaming bloody murder, they think its adorable and defend themselves with statements like "He's a kid. What can you do?" What can you do? How about you beat the ever-living CRAP out of him and teach him some freakin' manners, you ridiculous cow!?! How about you let the REST of us do it, then?
3. The misguided thought that having kids is the greatest accomplishment of their life. First of all, its NOT an accomplishment. Building a bridge is an accomplishment. Being graduated from college is an accomplishment. Landing three people on the moon is an accomplishment. Reproduction is a biological imperative solidified by 65 million years of evolution. Or its a complete inability to read and follow directions. Either way, you were just along for the ride (however painful it may be).
4. A total and complete loss of self-identity, self-worth, and self-justification. At some point these people stop introducing/describing themselves as "a biomedical researcher," "a pathologist," or "lawyer," and start introducing themselves as "Little Johnny's mom". They stop being able to discuss anything NOT having to do with the kids, and quickly change the subject BACK to the kids if you dare stray from the prescribed topic (aka Steamroller Mentality). "Oh, yeah, the opressive living conditions in sub-Saharan Africa IS apalling ... and speaking of apallingly oppressive, Little Johnny just learned to fart at will. Isn't it SO cute?"
5. Justification of their Shop-a-holic slash Spend-a-holic tendencies through sublimation. How much stuff does one 20 pound infant need? Apparently enough to warrant purchasing a MUCH larger automobile, cause Lord knows its a Mortal Sin to run to the corner store without first packing the sperm whale sized, normally used to wage a land war in Asia SUV with a portable crib, a portable changing table, 7 million diapers, 50 pounds of toys, 3 different strollers, at least 10 different changes of clothes, a handful of towels, and enough cold weather/rain gear to mount an assault on the summit of K2.
* notice that none of these indicators includes actually HAVING kids. Actually, I've found that some of the most symptomatic are those that don't actually have kids of their own.
You are such a refreshing change from what I just had to suffer through in lab over the past 9 months - young PWOC and not in any danger of becoming PWC any time soon lived vicarously through the PG postdoc. Ugh, it was disgusting. Yay for a normal pregnant woman :-)
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