Pregnancy Plaints

Pregnancy Complaints (aka, Nature's way of convincing you to push)

1. Lower Back Pain
2. Sciatic Nerve Pain (I actually read that to help with this I should avoid waddling and focus on swaying my hips when I walk. Right, like that doesn't look ridiculous!)
3. Heartburn (Thank God for TUMS!)
4. Not being able to eat a lot in one sitting thanks to the squished stomach.
5. Being hungry every hour or two thanks to not being able to eat a lot in one sitting.
6. Rolling over in bed (it's like picking up and throwing a large boulder while laying down).
7. I'm hot. Even in my office where the AC has other people pulling out their winter jackets, I'm hot.
8. Shortness of breath just from getting up off the sofa.
9. Throbbing feet
10. Being kicked in the ribs all day (but I secretly don't mind since I take it as a positive sign for the baby).
11. Strangers who guess the sex of the baby. "You're having a girl, right?" Let's see, you have a 50/50 chance of being right...
12. Strangers who are hurt that I won't tell them the name. Like you have any right to *any* information about me. If you couldn't *see* that I was pregnant, I wouldn't even tell you that much!
13. Bacne (if you don't know, don't ask)

Pregnancy Proplaints (aka, Nature's way of tricking you into getting pregnant)

1. I am a goddess. Hello - I'm bringing life into this world!
2. My husband cleans the litter boxes.
3. My hair and nails have never been so luxurious.
4. No judgmental looks from my husband when I want to have ice cream for dinner.
5. Ice cream
6. Strangers are generally nicer than usual.
7. Feeling the baby move (so bizarre!)
8. Having the perfect excuse for getting out of undesirable social events.
9. Extra cleavage to distract admirers from the extra belly (leave me my illusions won't you?)
10. Ice cream